Although I slept really good last night I woke up with a migraine. I knew one was coming on yesterday when I was at therapy and the light next to me was kind of triggering a visual aura that usually happens before a migraine and will even happen in a day before a migraine comes on. It’s weird and frustrating. Especially now that I got papers to grade. But I will get through it. If I didn’t feel so crappy I would go to Starbucks and get a coffee because sometimes the caffeine helps with migraines.
Looking at my email from all last night I have several tasks from clients that I need to take care of. I am also slightly anxious this morning I’m not sure why. Maybe it was thoughts I had last night. I am not sure but I hope it goes away soon. I’ll do my best just to take it as easy as I can today. My heart rate is 116 now which is high. Guess caffeine is not the best idea now :/
I got through grading papers today barely. Got through all the client needs. It was kind of a slow work day which I was happy about. Took a short rest to feel better around 1pm. Having a extra therapy session today really helped me even though it was really hard to talk about my lifestyle for fear of how I will be viewed. Not that I am ashamed I am just not understood. Or at least that is how I feel.
The panic attacks I had today really took a number on me. I feel like I been put through the wringer. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I tried to do some reading on my iPad to relax. It’s a crappy novel but I’ll give it a couple more chapters before I give up on it. Anyways I have other books I can read on there like Laura ingalls wilder books that will knock me out quicker when I can’t sleep.
Tonight I am going to try my pillow trick (where I surround myself with pillows so it feels like I am being held) again and see if that works with keeping me asleep. If I wake up in a panic I know it’s a trigger I need to stop. Maybe one day I can replace the pillows with a real person who gets me.
— August 26, 2016