psychiatrist

Going to the Psychiatrist today…Sigh

Last night I slept pretty well which is been amazing actually. I have a psychiatrist appointment today and I honestly don’t want to go I’ve already rescheduled once. I don’t want any more medication and maybe that’s what he will push on me but at least he’s always open to my decision to take medication or not.

I don’t even know what I will say going in to my appointment. I’m not anxious about driving there. I just don’t want to go. I’m tired of taking fucking pills That don’t work. 120 klonopin pills and 60 beta blockers in my body every month and half the time I can’t get out the fucking door. Even my klonopin sometimes does a bad job at managing my anxiety. Thank God I’m never in his office more than 10 minutes. I keep telling myself I’m just going for the refill so I don’t have to do it a month from now. But I can think of 85 reasons why I don’t want to go. I really don’t have $85 right now for something that I can’t see helping me. The things that seem to help right now end up hurting me more in the long run with the exception of my faith in God.

So I go to my psychiatrist appt and am given 1 old med that I am back on and one new one. Like I need more pills. I don’t care if they are all low doses like he said it’s still stuff I don’t want. I left feeling defeated and wanting to give up. So I went to Starbucks and Publix for some comfort items. Came home and snapped at a friend on the phone.

Came home to drown myself in work and my Starbucks and a worker said that she was sending me a supervisor call to handle and the lady was such a bitch I gave her my clients email address and told her to email him. Normally I can handle any kind of complaint or irate person but today I am angry and could not show compassion to save my life. 

One comment

  1. I have been behaving the say way. It gets harder especially if the appointments with psychiatrists do not make any improvements in your life and leave you dangling to the edge of the sanity cliff that you are only holding with one hand and slipping slowly. Alas, one has to stay composed or you nail your own foot with the hammer.. I listen to Pink Floyd or led Zeppelin in such situations to stay composed. Music is a great medicine.

Leave a Reply