moving forward

Journal: A huge step backwards?

I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards in trying to overcome my anxiety and especially agoraphobia. I haven’t had as much anxiety today since I tried to go into a mental hospital and sought out IOP treatment.

I had plans on going to store today and there was no way I could do it. All I could do all day was cry. This could not have happened on a worst day. Friday and weekends are usually hard.  I took a second klonopin close to the 1st dose and way too close to my beta blocker and set my world on a spin but I was desperate to stop what I was feeling.

I tried to get involved heavily with work and in the midst broke my computer keyboard drawer off my wooden desk. Of course that set me into panic mode. Prayer helped a bit, probably more than anything else. I laid down to take a nap and woke up with a Racing heart rate. I tried to take a warm shower to try and relax and had thoughts of needing to get dressed quickly. Not sure why. I was dizzy and anxious in the shower.

Last night I told my son I wonder if Mayberry was a real town so he googled it and said it was called mount airy. So I googled it and thought that would be a nice goal to add to my list and even planned on how I would get there and today I feel like it was crushed.

 I have a goal of returning a shirt I bought tomorrow and I am hoping I can follow through with it. I already promised myself that if I can’t do it I am not going to stress over it. 

Leave a Reply