My best friend was my dog Jack who was a 17 years old Chihuahua. He had congestive Heart Failure and quickly took a turn for the worst. I could see him suffering in his last few days. Non-stop coughing, rapid breathing, refusing to eat much and refusing meds. I had set up an appointment for Saturday with Lap of Love (an in-home pet Hospice) but he was suffering so bad that I decided that I needed to make the hardest decision ever, to take him to Blue Pearl and have him put down.
At that moment I decided to get into my car, I was not a person who was suffering from Agoraphobia. Those thoughts did not cross my mind. At 1 AM I brought Jack to the animal hospital and within an hour he was gone. I drove home, thinking how peaceful it was driving at night. (Who knew) I was sad that Jack was not coming home with me. But I was OK. Not great, but just OK. Until the next day.
Friday all I could do is sleep and cry. That lasted until the next day. Sunday I was more stable but still sad but functional. I did some work. I took a shower which always causes me anxiety and Jack was always there in the bathroom, actually he followed me wherever I went and that brought comfort to me. I got in the shower and I made it through OK with no anxiety, no crying. Just sad thoughts and happy ones too of how many times he was there with me.
Last night I started therapy via video chat which went very well. The site is called Breakthrough and the best part of all they took my insurance! So I had an hour initial session and I let him know I was sad because of Jack. He did mention how healing it is to have animals, I still do have a cat. He said as soon as I was ready to get another dog. This morning feeling a little sad, I glanced at the Petsmart animal adoptions and there were a lot of beautiful animals but none that made me want to reach out. No one can replace Jack. I am not ready for another dog. I shut my laptop and started my work day.
Time will heal all wounds and prayer will help me get through this. I miss you Jack.