Welcome to my first blog post! My name is Michelle, I am 45 years old, successful business owner, a single mom and I live with anxiety and agoraphobia on a daily basis. I guess the root of my anxiety is PTSD that resulted from the murder of my 23 month old son 10 years ago and before that, years of sexual, verbal and physical abuse.
When pondering back on my life, I can see the signs of my anxiety issue that happened before any of my life events that started my PTSD. I guess when I was younger it was more of a social anxiety issue. I grew up in a very small town in upstate NY (population 5,000 – if that!), I didn’t have a large family and the family we did have lived in different states and we rarely saw them.
I never really felt secure when I was a child. I can’t remember my Dad ever telling me that he loves me, he just wasn’t that kind of person I guess. Same goes with my Mom, I never remember her telling me she loves me. I do remember a lot of late night arguments about me between my parents. My mom was always asking my Dad why my younger sister could do a lot of things that I wanted to do, but I wasn’t allowed to do. My sister, in my eyes, always seemed to be the favored one of my parents. They bought her a car, I had to pay for my own car, my parents paid for her wedding, I got $100 a good luck. There are so many other mind cluttering facts that there are just too many to list.
Anyways, so now as an adult I struggle with anxiety issues. Over the years I have come a long LONG way! There was a time when I could not even leave my house! I would take the dog outside and it would feel like the sidewalk was swaying and I was going to pass out! I would have panic attacks that would last HOURS on a almost daily basis. Now, I can leave my house on a daily basis, I do still avoid certain areas because I feel they are not in my “safe zone” but I have expanded my 5 mile circle radius I stayed in, to about 30 miles now.
I hope that this blog will be healing and helpful to those who suffer with any type of anxiety disorder, and will be therapeutic for me when I am having a bad anxiety day. I hope that you stop by often to read what I have to say. I welcome comments and a discussion. Feel free to check out our chat room and message board.
According to the ADAA “Anxiety Disorders affects approximately 1.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. (about 3.3 million American adults). Many people with an anxiety disorder also have a co-occurring disorder or physical illness, which can make their symptoms worse and recovery more difficult.
You are NOT alone!